WAITING for the SONRISE
BY: JAN ANTONSSON
AUGUST 25, 2013
“Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed” (Heb. 12:12-13).
The thoughts of our online discussion group turned to adversity and tribulation recently. Jonathan Mitchell wrote something that really spoke to me; he said, “But what we need in all of this dark dealing of God is the unveiling of the glory of His Sonrise.” And in case you were thinking of accusing me of plagiarism in this title (There is a song about waiting for the sunrise), I plead innocence by a technicality because Sonrise is not spelled the same here as in the song.
I’ve written a lot about being dragged through a “cactus patch” or a “knothole” or being shaken up in God’s “divine combine,” but losing my beloved Lenny is the toughest experience I’ve gone through yet, and I find myself sometimes circling the abyss of depression, not a territory I visit very often. When that happens I throw myself upon the bosom of the Lord and tell him I can’t help my feelings but He can; He always leads me out of the dark pit of self pity and despair, which no doubt is a common locale for anyone whose life mate has crossed over Jordan.
Psychologists and psychiatrists have told us that when someone we love very much passes, we need to do our grief work because if we don’t, we will carry around the horrible feelings of sadness and abandonment for the rest of our lives, not a nice thing to contemplate. Grief work is painful and sadness can temporarily bring us down. In one of those times recently, I was reminded of what David wrote, “Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing; thou hast loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, that my soul may praise thee and not be silent. O Lord my God I will give thanks to thee forever” (Ps. 30:11-12). I’m not dancing yet, but I expect to feel that good eventually, because the Lord has only good gifts for His children, and He leads us in only one direction: forward into Himself.
The Lord blessed me with a week of that kind of joy when our daughter and her family came to visit from California. There was so much love in this house that it was palpable. We could feel the presence of the Lord and of Lenny, as well, which comforted us all. It helped them to see that truly, I am not alone. The Lord and Lenny are with me.
After they left a dear friend from Tucson, Arizona, came for a couple of days and we had some good fellowship with our mutual friend Marvin.
While everyone needs fellowship and I am so glad for what I’ve had, nevertheless it’s important for me to be by myself so I can hear clearly from the Lord. Lenny’s passing was very shocking to me and I’m left asking Him to show me why? And what does He have for me to do now that Lenny has passed? And what did He mean when He told me, “Lenny is more beneficial to you here (in spirit) than there with you.” It must be something wonderful and I long to know what it is.
He hasn’t answered me and may not for a while but the fact that I’m writing this tells me that The Glory Road will continue, a blessing for me. Praise God! I do feel the sweet presence of the Spirit when I write, which blesses me beyond words.
Countless people have lost their precious life mates, and been able to survive and even thrive, which is comforting for me. When my daddy passed, mother took up quilting and her beautiful quilts are on our beds. Each one reminds me that she carried on, and so can I with God’s help, by His grace.
As I’ve always said, the writing is mainly for me and if anybody else gets anything out of it that’s gravy. So with King David, I say, “I will rejoice and be glad for thy steadfast love, because thou hast seen my affliction, thou hast taken heed of my adversities, and hast not delivered me into the hand of the enemy; thou hast set my feet in a broad place” (Ps. 31:7-8).
The apostle Paul wrote, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man conceived, what God has prepared for those who love him” (I Cor. 2:9).
My daughter observed, “Everyone is happy to be in heaven with the Lord but for someone like Lenny who spoke of God’s great love to everyone his whole life, being able to meet the Lord face-to-face must be just wonderful.”
And so it will be for all of us when we cross over from this veil of tears into the realm of Spirit and all our dark nights of sorrow, tears, and grieving, become one glorious, Hallelujah shouting, eternal day. Until then the joy of the Lord is our strength. His love is a fortress and a rock that cannot be moved; we stand on the foundation of His unconditional love and depend on the power of His mighty arm which has not decreased nor diminished in power since He created the world and everything in it. To our Father in heaven who loves us and continuously watches over us, keeping us in the palm of His hand, and to Christ who took on flesh and suffered all our deprivations, in order to demonstrate our Father’s love for us while we are in the flesh, we give honor and glory and praise to You, now and forever, amen.