MENDING BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS
BY: SUNNY ORLY COFFMAN
JUNE 18, 2007
A young man singled me out of a crowd recently and I could see that he had something really serious on his mind. As he began to speak, he began to sob. A deep pain was the source of his questioning and he started off by saying, “I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this, but I really hurt inside because of a broken relationship with one of my 4 brothers.
He went on to explain that one of his brothers was a homosexual, and an ordained minister in a main line denomination. He went on to say that his brother’s ‘partner’ is also an ordained minister in this same denomination. The young man I was facing had so many questions and most of them have stemmed from the confusion caused by teaching he is presently subjecting himself to.
In the presenting teaching he is receiving, there is much law preached and little to no forgiveness… especially on this subject of homosexuality. It almost seems from what I’m hearing this person share with me… that a cold-blooded murder would have more chance of receiving forgiveness for his sin of murder than this brother would – for being a homosexual – and especially a homosexual in ordained clergy.
This man loves his brother very much. As kids growing up they had a great relationship and this man misses that closeness and at the same time, does not agree with his brother’s present lifestyle and experiences much confusion when he thinks about how an organization could put someone that is practicing homosexuality in a position of leadership over others – especially children.
At some point, Holy Spirit began to love on this son of his that was standing before me and he told him of a secular song that was popular when I was a child… a seemingly non-sensical song that says:
“Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, latch onto the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mr. In-between.”
I heard the Great Teacher outline a wonderful plan for Mending this broken Relationship. He told the young man that he was going to have to do some home work before the healing process could begin. But he instructed him to call his brother more often and be prepared concerning subject matter to discuss. He explained that the words to this song were the instructions he was to follow in planning his conversations with this brother of his.
Father, through me, instructed him to recognize that he needed to prepare for these conversations the way he would prepare for building a structure. That he needed to follow the plan.
1.Accentuate the positive – speak only about those things that he knew he and his brother had as common interests and could agree upon. He encouraged the man to carry a note pad and writing implement with him wherever he went and to make a list of common interests [as they came to his memory.] He also encouraged him to
2.Eliminate the negative – anytime during a conversation – should his brother choose to bring up something that he knew was going to produce disagreement… he was to divert the conversation back to a subject positive in nature.
3.Latch onto the affirmative – again, he was encouraged to think of new subjects that they could discuss that they might find held interest for both of them – in an attempt to expand their horizons together.
4.Don’t mess with Mr. In-between – anytime he had a question about how a certain subject would be received by his brother – that needed to be put on the negative list – in an attempt to prevent anything negative entering their conversation.
He was encouraged to speak little and listen a whole lot… to pick up on additional topics for discussion as he heard them from his brother. He was also encouraged to not be bashful in plainly stating to his brother how very much he misses the fellowship with him… how he misses getting his regular input on things they both enjoy… and how very much he cares for his brother – as a human being – without any false expectations.
He was assured that this kind of action would, if given perseverant action, over time, bring forth a rebuilding of the relationship and establish a solid base from which they both could operate.
I heard myself say to him… now you’re going to have a great today conversation with your brother and perseverance will strengthen this relationship with time.
And then one day… should his brother come to a time of questioning his own lifestyle… he would be assured of having someone that has faith in him… someone he can trust… to open up a discussion and know that he is going to get honest information and quality guidance to help him with decision-making in that season.
MENDING BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS [Sunny Orly Coffman] 6-18-07 1