UNFORGIVENESS is a TRAP for ALL
BY: SUNNY ORLY COFFMAN
FEBRUARY 28, 2004
I had received an e-mail from an author friend – asking if I might have an article on unforgiveness because he was writing to a young man with a major problem in this area. He wanted to obey the Lord and forgive, but he just couldn’t drop the issue that had brought about the unforgiveness. His feelings were standing in the way of his obedience. Perhaps you have found yourself in that place – perhaps you are still there. May my sharing such a situation in my own life and how my Heavenly Father led me, by his Spirit, out of this trap, help bring you to liberty.
My own input is this: we know unforgiveness is a big trap. And getting out of that trap is not dependent upon “feeling like” forgiving the person that has wronged us… it is a choice we make out of obedience to the God we serve. He is so faithful to forgive us. It’s usually only after the choice to forgive is made, that healing comes in the emotional realm. I, myself, had an interesting challenge a few years ago and was shown a wonderful method of healing in the midst of it all.
My husband of many years had found affection in another and chosen someone that most folks said was my “twin.” That somehow made the step of forgiveness even more difficult for me. Of course, I wanted to please my Father above everything and I knew that He knew I just didn’t feel like forgiving in this situation. But He showed me how necessary it was for me and for them as well. Forgiveness was necessary for me because I was harboring thoughts – seeds planted inside me, which very likely would produce bad health – mentally and physically. And then there was the issue of all those judgments I had placed against them that would ultimately be coming back on me if I didn’t choose to lay it all at the feet of Christ and walk on. My forgiving was necessary for them – because I had them in prison by the judgments I had place against each of them.
I also was shown that some of my own actions had produced fertile soil for this breach of covenant in my marriage. So, my first step was to ask for forgiveness for myself from my loving Father and then to choose to forgive myself instead of carrying a load of guilt and condemnation and spending the rest of my life living in regret of what might have been.
Now, remember – I didn’t feel like forgiving – but after the choice was made – Father gave me an intercession project – He had me begin to pray for this woman’s spiritual awakening – and for her to be the companion my husband really needed and for all of her own hurts to be healed and for her to be made whole in every area of her own life. It would be less than truth if I didn’t tell you that in the beginning of my obedience to pray – I sometimes prayed with gritted teeth… but as I stayed faithful to His promptings on this assignment… prayer got easier and easier… until one day I realized I was truly praying with my whole heart. It took about 8 years to see the manifestation of some of that praying – but one day they did get married and today they are both serving the Lord. But my own healing came so very much sooner and it was the prayer that truly released all of the emotional pain and cleansed me from the inside out. I believe it was an example of what can happen when we are obedient to “pray for our enemies [be they perceived or real].”
The Bible is not silent on this subject:
43 Ye have heard that it was said, Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy: 44 but I say unto you, love your enemies, and pray for them that persecute you; 45 that ye may be sons of your Father who is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sendeth rain on the just and the unjust. 46 For if ye love them that love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? 47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more [than others?] do not even the Gentiles the same? 48 Ye therefore shall be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
I’m more convinced in this season of my life than ever before that:
1.I am a child of the most-high God and that He has called me to be His dwelling place on this Earth – a “docking station” He can work through.
2.God created evil as well as good. And He uses what we call evil totally for our benefit.
3. All things work together for my benefit because I love Him and I am “called according to His purpose.”
4.I’m in boot camp training – being fitted to be an Overcomer in all areas of my life – being healed in every damaged area of my emotional life – all of the resistors to His Plan and Purpose for my life are being removed by Him.
5.God doesn’t allow a set of what I might see as “evil” circumstances on my path – unless it is an obstacle that will produce life in me as I’m led by the Spirit of God – to the overcoming of it!
6.Sin-consciousness is focusing on the darkness. God-consciousness is focusing on the light. He is showing me that ALL things will be changed into LIFE as I am obedient to bring them out of darkness and expose them to HIS LIGHT. It is only the hidden things that will continue to fester in the darkness.
UNFORGIVENESS is a TRAP for ALL [Sunny Orly Coffman] 2-28-04 1